"Yes I am pregnant. I just found out today. I know having a baby is a blessing and I'm excited to know that I'm pregnant again but at the same time I am overwhelmed. All these times, the death of Ammon kept on haunting me even worse now that I know I'm pregnant. I have a lot of fears, a lot of what if's (what if the same thing will happen again etc.). Tomorrow will be exactly a year since Ammon's birth and death. A lot of people told me that I just have to move on but nobody will ever understand me unless they're a mother who have experienced the same thing. I will always love my Ammon and will forever have difficulty with the memories of that fateful day but I'm hoping that this pregnancy will somehow allow me to finally heal the immeasurable pain inside. I pray that Heavenly Father will bless me throughout my pregnancy and that He'll bless me with a healthy baby. (this was my blog entry when I found out I was pregnant)

Everyday I've been praying that Heavenly Father will bless me with a full term and a healthy baby but the dreadful day came when Russ told me that the clinic called him and that my doctor wanted to see me yesterday to discuss the blood test result with me. I got scared, they only did one test last time I saw him ( Jan 12) and that's the quad screen test. I was worried that it came back positive since they never called me back before when the result came back negative. We went to see my doctor yesterday and yes the result came back positive. I am high risk of having a down syndrome baby. The doctor explained that the result could be wrong and I personally knew a few women who have their tests came back positive and when their babies were born they were normal and healthy. I hope that would be the case to mine too but we will be able to confirm everything on Jan 28th. I thought I was prepared for the news, but I wasn't. It's easier said than done. I was stressing about it yesterday. I was miserable. I started to question Heavenly Father, a lot of why's? The more I did the more pain and heartaches I felt. I felt miserable physically and emotionally and I knew I needed help. I called Bishop Garner last night and asked if he could give me a blessing together with Russ. I'm grateful for Bishop Garner (he was just driving home from the airport as I was calling him) and for his wisdom, I know he is called of God. I'm grateful for the priesthood blessing he gave me. It was powerful and I always know that there's power in priesthood blessing. He told me that I am a choice mother , I was privileged and blessed with an angel baby (Ammon) and if my baby now is a down syndrome baby I will have the privilege of raising one of Heavenly Father's elite spirit children. He counseled me to pray more and search the scriptures. I know I should not lose contact with Heavenly Father. He is the key in gaining strength from my trials.

I woke up this morning a few hours early than Russ and Andrew. Since the 3 kids are all in school I had some quiet moments, I spent my time to search and ponder the scriptures and pray. I know prayer strengthens faith and it bring miracles. I should be willing to pay the price for an answer from the Lord. Dealing with my challenges is not easy, but the knowledge I have of the blessings promised to those who face and overcome tribulation brings to my heart the courage I need to press forward.