Yesterday was Ammon's first birthday and death anniversary. I had difficulty with the memories. I was once again overcome by the painful grief that I thought was slowly healing. It has been a most difficult first year, and yesterday was the time of remembering. Remembering what happened exactly a year ago as I was watching my tiny baby struggled to breath and slowly died while I was watching helplessly. There is no pain like that of a mother losing her child even watching her tiny child slowly die. The pain was too much but I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that gives me hope and assurance that I can be with him again someday. I read this poem over and over again yesterday and it helped me. This poem brings me peace.

I'm just a little baby
who didn't quite make it there;
I went straight to be with Jesus
but I'm waiting for you here.
Don't you fret about me mommy
I'm of all God's most blessed
I'd have loved to stay there with you
but Heavenly Father knows what's best.
Many who dwell here where I live
waited years to enter in,
they struggled through a world of sorrow
and their lives were marred with sin.
So sweet mommy don't be sad,
wipe those tears and chase the gloom,
I went straight to be with Jesus,
from my lovely mothers womb.
Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don't complain;
I have all of heaven's glory
suffering none of the world's pain.
Thank you for the name you gave me,
I'm thankful for all you've done.
I'll be waiting here for you
in heaven up above.
I would have loved to stay with you,
And lived life by your side,
But the Lord has called me home,
I know it's hard to understand why.
Thank you mommy for making me,
You made me out of love,
I can't wait for the day I see you again
So you can see what I've become.
I'm an angel here in heaven,
The Lord's here by my side,
He wants me to let you know
He's sorry he made you cry.
He has a plan for me up here,
And a plan for you here too,
Someday we'll be together again,
And this I know is true.

I know Ammon is claimed for eternity through the Atonement Of Jesus Christ. I know that our separation is both temporary and brief in the eternal perspective. I am excited for that day to come when I can be reunited with him and I pray that I can live my life everyday worthy for that glorious day!